inside you'll hear a sigh

The only things I do routinely are ingest too much caffeine and procrastinate. Even then, the very act of deferring obligations is somewhat antithetical to the idea of a routine – and to be entirely honest, the stress I’ve created in my life from the last eight years of dragging my feet has finally taken its toll and made me appreciate the definition of self-destructive behaviour. I’m tired of giving myself a pep talk about turning over a new leaf only to find myself investigating the history of idioms. Het zal me aan veroorzaken het loodje leggen!

I suppose my efforts to avoid doing things routinely have in fact permitted me to develop a routine – even if it borders on the state of Tedium. Having had my muesli and vitamin pill, grabbed a shower, made some tea, read the headlines on every page of my bookmarks toolbar and checked my e-mail (but opted to respond later), I usually kick my voyeurism into high gear and start reading my blogroll. These days it's filled with people I'm once-removed from, and today one of my unknowns had an entry about the people whom he encounters every morning on his way to work. While most of those who commented felt a certain mix of enchantment and monotony with the idea of seeing the same set of faces from a pool of 10 million, I was left with the bitter taste of jealousy. I’m done with vagrancy. I want my own space and a routine that lasts longer than two months – not to mention the security that accompanies it. I’m ready to wake up to the same faces every morning, but am also all-too-aware that change is on the horizon again - and all too soon for my liking.

While the cosmic mockery of being in a Blue Monday mood one week late this year doesn’t escape me, I wish I’d at least kept that on schedule. Other things need to be crossed off my list before I can expose that new leaf…but this post is supposed to be my first step at building a routine that will travel with me wherever I land. Only time will tell if this works out, but give me an extra half-hour before you pass judgement.

Afterall, I am from Newfoundland.